I can’t think of anyone who wouldn’t benefit from
reading this book or who wouldn’t enjoy reading
it.
Stephanie
Grace Whitson
Format:
Kindle Edition & Print
Publisher:
Greenbrier Book Company (April 9, 2011)
Sold
by: Amazon Digital Services, $3.99
Paperback $8.99
Wisdom inside a great love
story…
I loved this book. I don’t know anyone who needs
this book more than I do. In one way, I am fearless; I have no problem giving a
speech to thousands of people. Yet, the prospect of talking to one grieving
widow or widower can render me speechless and keep me awake at night. I don’t
know what to say but I do know, all too well, what I don't want anyone to tell
me:
Don't tell me that my loved one is in a better
place. (Her best place is here besides
me.)
Don't tell me that this is all according to God’s
plan. (I'm not exactly happy with God at the
moment.)
Don’t tell me that you know how I
feel. (You'd have to be me to know how I feel and
you're not me.)
While I know what I would not want to hear, I don’t
know what to say or what to do to help a greiving person. Death is kept hidden
in our society. It’s all so sanitary. Death is so behind the scenes. We are not
practiced in death and dealing with the grieving. Some may think they know what
they are doing but their lack of genuine knowledge often makes them capable of
causing great pain with their well meaning clichés. If only they knew. If only
they had read
"How to Help a Greiving Friend".
What should we
do and what should we say to the grieving?
Why hasn't someone, who is
wise and knows what they are talking about, written a book to tell the rest of
us?
Someone has. The book is here now. The book is,
“How to Help a
Grieving Friend”.
While this book is about grieving, it is also a
great love story. Read about the author:
“In 1996, Stephanie lost her best friend to cancer three days after
her own husband was diagnosed with an incurable form of non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma
(he subsequently died in 2001). Later that same year, her mother and father died
within six weeks of each other. Thus, 1996 marked the beginnings of the grief
journey that has resulted in “How to Help a Grieving Friend.”
Everyone Grieves differently.
How
can one book tell us what to do?
I can say that in reading
“How to Help a Grieving Friend” I found nothing that I disagreed with
and many things I wish I had known before now. I can think of only two other
non-fiction books which impacted me with such emotional power:
“The Diary of
Anne Frank” and
“Man's Search for Meaning”.
“How to
Help a Grieving Friend” didn’t trickle down from selected holy book
passages. It’s not derived from anyone’s favorite pop psychologist. No,
“How
to Help a Grieving Friend,” sprang from the soil of suffering. Its price
was high but its rewards are many and they run deep.
The only way to
really show this is to provide a few quotes expressing the authors sentiments.
If you agree with these quotes, this book is for you. I can’t imagine there
being a better book on this topic.
BE PATIENT
I am making my way in a world where
my primary connection to reality is gone. Don’t tell me I should ‘get over it”
and ‘move on.’ As soon as I’m ready, I will. But your timetable is irrelevant to
my reality.
Don’t speculate about the unknowable.
If your
faith teaches that the dead don’t see us and don’t care about life on earth “in
light of eternity,” keep it to yourself. Saying that is the same thing as saying
he or she doesn’t love me anymore.
Leave the self-help books at home. Unless you can
say, “This helped me when my ____ died,” just don’t say it.
Delete comfort clichés. I know every cloud has a
sliver lining. Remind me another time. Hurt with me now.
Tell Me I’m Okay
Grief makes people a little
crazy. Remind me that I shouldn’t be expected to behave ‘like my old’ self.’
It’s good to know I’m not going crazy – at least not permanently.
Accept My New Quirks.
If I’m reluctant, don’t
push it. Grief changes people – permanently. I may never be ‘my old self’ again.
But I just might be a better self if you’ll give me some time.
Don’t say, “You need to make new memories”
Right now, I need to
remember the old ones.
Accept No for an answer.
It’s exhausting
pretending to be happy in a group so I don’t depress everyone around me. If I
say no, it doesn’t mean I don’t want your friendship. It just means I’m too
tired to hang out right now.
Accept My Tears
Don’t’ be embarrassed when I
cry. Tears are healing. They must be shed. Crying alone hurts
worse.
What I’ve quoted above is only a tiny part of the wisdom in
this book. Each chapter is divided into two parts:
How it Feels and
How to Help. There are twenty-five short chapters.
“How to
Help a Grieving Friend” is the real thing. It’s a book that has been long
needed. I can’t imagine an author better positioned to write this book. The
author tells us it was painful to write. It took a very long time to complete.
It is the product of much suffering tempered by a wisdom that transcends all the
clichés that many of us never believed anyway.
“How to Help a Grieving
Friend” gives us a compass we can believe in.
I truly believe that
when word gets out,
“How to Help a Grieving Friend” will sell a million
copies. Read it for yourself, then help spread the word. Rarely have I read a
book that was more needed than this one.
I can’t think of anyone who wouldn’t
benefit from reading this book or who wouldn’t enjoy reading it.